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    15Dec, 2022
    Protecting Your Mental Health During Holidays
    Participants during Coffee Bar Session. Photo: Julius Rasat

    December is mostly referred to as mwezi ya sherehe (party month) but not too many due to financial status, family status or not a priority. This week’s #CoffeeBarTuesday focused on how we can protect our mental health during this festive season. During December, many people travel upcountry to share the festive season with their families, friends and neighbors. However, so much has happened this year affecting our lives such as losing our loved ones, losing jobs, lost friends, families broken up amongst others. With all these happenings, it clearly shows that the majority of us will be mentally unstable not unless we act.  

    Our discussion started with understanding how many of us will be traveling up country for this festive season and how that would make you feel if you’re going anywhere. Majority of the participants pointed out that they are not going upcountry due to reasons that are out of their control. Reports done showed that 64% of people with mental illness report holidays make their conditions worse.

    One of the participants pointed out that he lost his grandma early this year, she was the backbone of the family and through her they were able to meet every end of the year. But with her passing this year, no one is talking about going up the country since there’s no one to visit. Another participant shared that after his father’s death, they are no longer planning to have anything since their father was more of a convener of the family. Other reasons pointed out include the hike price of transport, all family members are in Nairobi and not being able to cater for everyone’s needs especially for the firstborns.

    “My grandma was the reason why we all went to upcountry, after she passed away, we have no plans of having any get together meetings as of now.” Participant Said

    Connecting these experiences and childhood, most families used to cook chapatis and others would slaughter a goat or chicken and then there are those who didn’t even have a meal for the day. This affected the majority of us to a point we stopped visiting our neighbors. During times of cheeriness, not feeling as enthusiastic as others can be stigmatizing. Not being able to match the same level as your friends, family or colleagues can really affect your mental state resulting in you finding a coping mechanism which at the end affects your mental state. We have seen people becoming drunkards day in and day out during this festive season and it could be they are fighting something that we don’t know about. Being left out is something that is not easy to comprehend and this is where you start abusing drugs and substance or you become an introvert.

    “As someone who my family looks up to, I am not in a position to spend time with my family due to financial constraints. I am expected to cater for my sisters and brothers transport to upcountry which is currently at KShs 3000 per person.” Participant said

    With our focus being how we can protect our mental state, we pointed out a few ways that would help in protecting your mental health. Here are some suggestions on how you can reduce stress and maintain good mental health during this festive season. However, it’s good to note that this may not work on everyone and it’s not professional advice.

    Don’t Compare Yourself with anyone.

    It is easy to compare your situation to others’ especially if you have lost a loved one or a job one which increases feelings of loneliness or sadness. If you see people having fun and you don’t have the same energy, then it’s okay to leave the place and get to do something else that you love such as walking, reading a book, sleeping, watching movies or documentaries.

    Know And Understand Your Limitations.

    It’s always advisable to accept your limitations and be patient with others too. You should prioritize the most important activities or schedule activities for after the holidays: It is important to learn how to say “no” when you are overwhelmed by social obligations and demands made on you by others. With the bus fare hike, you shouldn’t force yourself to travel if you don’t have money. Remember that there’s life after the festive season. 

    Try Not To Feel Alone or Isolated

    It’s true that many of us have friends and family to spend time with during the holiday season, but it’s also possible to become isolated during this time. If someone close to you has recently died or you can’t be with loved ones for other reasons, realize that it’s normal to feel sadness and grief. It’s okay to take time to cry or express your feelings. You can’t force yourself to be happy just because it’s the holiday season. You can also take advantage of other ways to connect such calling, texting, emailing and social media. 

    Have a Budget

    With so much happening, always have a budget. This will help in controlling your expenses and also protects your mental state. Before you do food shopping or kuchafua meza, decide how much money you can afford to spend, then stick to your budget. Don’t try to buy happiness with gifts. Don’t overspend trying to impress your family or friends, remember life continues after the festive season.

    Be Careful With Your Actions

    Keeping in mind that everyone is not like you, try to accept family members and friends as they are. If someone gets upset or distressed when something goes wrong, be accommodating and understanding. Keep grievances off until a more appropriate time for discussion. Most likely, they are also experiencing holiday stress and depression. However, if you feel their actions are affecting your mental state, it’s okay to leave and focus on something else constructive.

    Seeking Spiritual Help

    If you are a spiritual person, this would also be a good time to spend time in your church or reading a Bible. Majority stating that spending time in church makes them feel a higher sense of purpose, peace, hope and meaning. Spirituality can help you deal with stress by giving you a sense of peace.

    Regardless of your plans, its important to share with your family, friends and colleagues on your plans.

    This festive season, be kind to yourself and put your mental and physical well-being first. Don’t let holidays become something draining you mentally. Instead, take steps that will protect you and others. Also, avoid excessive tobacco, alcohol and drug use. Happy Holidays and See you on Tuesday!

    1Dec, 2022
    The Role Of Young People In Ending SGBV
    Participants during Coffee Bar Tuesday. Photo: Julius Rasat

    Sexual and gender-based violence remain a major challenge that the world is facing today. Sexual offences have adverse effects that derails social and economic development of an individual and that of a country. A report indicates that as a country we use close to 46 billion Kenyan shillings annually in addressing SGBV. With these figures, it surely shows that there is a high prevalence of sexual and gender-based violence in Kenya.

    With the commemoration of 16 Days of Activism against Gender-Based Violence, our #CoffeeBarTuesday discussion focused on what we can do as young people in prevention, response and documentation of cases of sexual and gender-based violence – more so on prevention. With young people also being part of the conversation will help in decreasing cases that usually involve their peers.

    The conversation touched on what the 16 Days of Activism against Gender-Based Violence stands for and its main objective which is to call for the prevention and elimination of violence against women and girls. The 16 Days of Activism against Gender-Based Violence is an annual international campaign that kicks off on 25 November, the International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women and runs until 10 December which is a Human Rights Day.

    It’s good to note that the majority of young people are not even aware of this commemoration and some think it’s a women thing – shows where to concentrate. It also shows there’s a lot that needs to be done in creating awareness amongst the young people. With better understanding of sexual and gender-based violence, its types and forms, it was easy to have a candid conversation on our roles as young people. Sexual violence can affect you mentally, emotionally, physically and psychologically.

    Majority of young people believe that sexual and gender-based violence is mainly for the old generation and that’s why they keep off or rarely engaged on SGBV conversations.

    “I can’t be raped by someone I call my wife or girlfriend, where does she even start? Furthermore, I can’t rape her since she’s mine, its my conjugal rights.” Participant said

    Out of 10 young men, only 2 believe that they can be raped by their partner. The other 8 believe that there’s no way someone you have been married to can rape you since its their conjugal right. This clearly shows why intimate partner violence is underreported and there’s a need for communities to understand consent is crucial whether you’re in a relationship or not.

    One thing that stood out during the conversations is young people understanding that having sex with an underage is an offence that is punishable by law. Majority were not aware that having sex with a 17-year-old whether she consented or not is also considered as an offence. We shared that under the Sexual offences Act, having sex with anyone below the age of 18 is a crime.

    With our set up, we dwelled more on sexual and gender-based violence forms such as rape, defilement, intimate partner violence, sexual harassment, incest and female genital mutilation/cutting. An active bystander action is something that young people don’t involve themselves with. We emphasized on being an active bystander where you should be able to raise an alarm in case you witness someone being violated. That one action will be able to save that person who was about to be violated.

    The issue of consent is something that also created a wide discussion with questions such as should I ask for consent from my wife or girlfriend? Why should I be arrested for having a relationship with a 16-year-old and they consented to it? Should we be arrested for having sexual relationship if we are cousins and we are all adults and consented? It was made clear that the law states that lack of consent qualifies one to have raped the other since there was no agreement. The Sexual Offences Act also defines incest as an act which causes penetration with a person who is to their knowledge, a relative.

    “Why should I be arrested for having sex with a minor and what happens if she actually came to me? Nowadays its hard to know if someone is of age by looking at their body, people are having a good diet out here.” Participant said

    At the end we all agreed that we have a role to play in ending sexual and gender-based violence. Some of key roles that we can play in ending sexual and gender based violence were :- continue creating more awareness on sexual violence among young people, not to be perpetrators, pushing the justice system to be accountable and follow the rule of law, engaging both women and men in these matters, raising your voice when someone is being violated such as someone having a relationship with a minor, not to a bystander of intimate partner violence and to always be careful since everyone is a potential perpetrator as well as a survivor. See you on Tuesday!