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    27Apr, 2022
    Red Fags In A Toxic Relationship You Shouldn’t Ignore
    Participant during coffee bar Tuesday. Photo: Evans Jomo

    Relationships are always perceived to be a space where partners are happy and comfortable to be around each other, it is meant to be a safe space for the two individuals. However, this is not always the case. With the rise number of sexual and gender based violence, individual don’t understand what toxic relationship entails or they assume.  

    Toxic relationship is a term that we often hear, but what does it mean to be in a toxic relationship? What are some of the red flags to watch out for? Why do people continue staying in such relationships? These were the guiding questions during coffee bar Tuesday held at the MuYI Hub.

    If a relationship stops bringing you joy and instead consistently makes you feel sad, angry or anxious, and that your well-being is threatened, then it can be defined as being toxic. Views of toxicity in relationships however vary from one individual to another. These are some of the discussion areas that we had during the session where participants were able to identify insecurity, lack of support, lack of communication, physical, verbal and emotional abuse, being manipulative, lack of respect, lack of empathy as the major red flags in a relationship. If you also notice that your partner is jealous, competitive, and generally unhappy when you are doing well, then that’s a huge red flag

    “As much as people focus more on physical abuse, emotional and verbal abuse tend to have much more effect on a partner since it messes with a person’s self-esteem and confidence, which takes time to build up once again” said one of the participants.

    Despite people seeing these warning signs, some will still prefer to stay with a toxic partner because of various reasons such as: the benefits their family receive, poor background, presence of children, fear of starting over, religious beliefs and harsh judgement from society.

    “ When in a toxic relationship, a person starts to change and suddenly they do not seem happy as they used to, they stop doing things that they enjoyed before and they do not engage with family and friends as much as before” was a view that a participant in the session had

    Some people are fortunate enough to realize the red- flags early and leave the toxic partner while others end up facing consequences of staying. Toxic trends from toxic partners often cause feelings of low self-worth, helplessness, fear, anxiety and even depression. Severe cases such as murder and suicide have occasionally been reported due to abusive partners.

    Both men and women are usually victims of toxic relationships and they should learn how to speak out in case they are facing abuse from a partner, abuse in any way or form from a partner should not be tolerated, therefore no one should feel obliged to persevere such a relationship at the expense of their mental, emotional or physical well-being, it is never too late to walk away from a toxic partner.

    Remember, bravery is leaving a toxic relationship and knowing that you deserve better and letting go is an act of self-care. You shouldn’t have any justification of why you’re leaving a toxic relationship. See you on Tuesday!

    20Apr, 2022
    NG-CDF Is Not A Manifesto
    Participants during the Coffee Bar Tuesday. Photo: Julius Rasat

    On 19th April 2022, we held our weekly coffee bar Tuesday discussing the role of National Government Constituency Development Fund (NG-CDF) formally known as Constituency Development Fund (CDF) and how it’s being used a political tool. Through the discussions, most people pointed out NG-CDF not only is it used as tool to seek votes but also as a manifesto.  Most people are tricked in voting for someone because of something they received through the office or promises of what the office shall do.

    According to book, the NG-CDF should have a committee. The committee should at least have 10 people from the community – There should be representation of youth, women and people living with disability. The Member of Parliament should convene public forums to elect people from the elective wards. However, it’s noted that most of NG-CDF offices are composed with committees that either belong to the same party or are supporters of the Member of Parliament. 

    Member of Parliament is the patron of the NG-CDF but this has changed to them controlling the funds. An example given  – most of the bursaries given have pictures of the MPs which most participants felt it shouldn’t be like that since this is not their initiative.

    The NG-CDF should conduct public participation to understand what community priorities are. Most of the time, projects conducted by NG-CDF are usually not community’s priority.

    “Imagine a school getting a bus and they are not in a position to fuel it. The priority for that school should be a feeding program, desks or getting more classes.” Participant says

    The main aim of the discussion was to understand that NG-CDF is not a favor but its a right that you’re entitled to. No one should make you feel like they are doing you a favor because you’re getting a bursary, a road or a desk. It was also noted that the community is not aware of the money allocated in each financial year or how much is allocated to different sectors such as education, health, sports and arts infrastructure or disaster among others. 

    There’s still confusion on county and national government projects. It been noted there are projects that have double allocations from the county and national. The community doesn’t understand which projects should be conducted by county or national government. This makes it easy to embezzle money allocated to those projects. 

    But with all the loopholes noticed, what can we do?  

    • NG-CDF should not be used a manifesto
    • We should interact with NG-CDF office to understand how it operates,
    • We should not be enslaved because we got bursaries, desks, road or any help from office.
    • Understand the role of Member of Parliament on NG-CDF.
    • How we can hold the office accountable. 
    • To understand how much is being allocated to their constituencies (Check Out NG-CDF website)

    Coffee bar Tuesday is a platform for discussions on issues affecting us and how we can be the solutions to the issues. We believe change is inevitable and it all starts with you. See you on Tuesday!

    13Apr, 2022
    Do Direct Tickets From Political Parties Affect Us?
    Particapants during the discussion. Photo: Evans Jomo

    Do you think direct ticketing is one way of political parties to stop us from exercising our democratic rights? Do you think direct tickets affects party members in any way? Do you think political parties primaries will free and fair?

    This week’s coffee bar Tuesday, participants felt that direct tickets diverts leader’s agenda to them serving their parties agenda. Most participants pointed out that most political parties will give tickets to those who fund or are likely to fund their campaigns. However, it’s noted that at times they get direct tickets through consensus or depending with popularity. Others felt that the direct tickets will not affect us in any way since we are nominating someone and not parties.

    “I have a feeling that party primaries will not be free and fair but there will be an improvement from previous party primaries. This is because parties are at risk of losing their party members in case the nominations are not free and fair.” Participant said

    Aspirants also have something to loose when it comes to direct tickets. All the ideologies and plans they had for community will be set aside and promote parties ideologies. For those who don’t get the direct tickets means they lose before they even get to nominations. Citizens should be given chance to nominate their preferred leaders.

    We have already started to notice some complaints from aspirants of places where direct tickets were issued. Issuing direct tickets mean some aspirants are being discriminated against and citizens are denied their right to nominate someone who fits or at least someone who can represent them during the general elections.

    At the end, we all agreed we should nominate someone based on their values and what they stand for and not voting them because they belong to a certain political party. It was clear that if we don’t nominate our preferred candidate, chances are the ticket will go to someone else who might not bring the change we need.

    As Mukuru Youth Initiative, we continue to create spaces where community can learn and unlearn through discussions, where community and citizens can understand their roles in decision making. It’s time for change and we all must play our part in influencing and bringing change. See you on Tuesday!